It's a GIRL!

It is time to share the news on the blog ... Baby Crockett #3, our Rainbow Baby, is on her way. Her scheduled date of arrival is October 3rd and we are SO excited! We plan on naming her Piper Grace.

We waited quite a while to tell the world about this pregnancy. I was 18 weeks along when we announced to the world. A lot of people might not understand waiting that long, but it was what I wanted and needed. When we experienced our loss last October, it was hard to even wrap my head around trying for a baby again. One day I was thinking that I never wanted to be pregnant again and the next day I wanted to start trying as soon as the Dr. said it was okay. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately knew I wanted to wait until I saw baby on the ultrasound sometime after 14 weeks (at 14 weeks, while not completely risk free, the odds of a miscarriage go down to less than 1%) to tell anyone. Our anatomy scan was scheduled for 17 weeks so we chose Mother's Day to reveal to the world our good news.

I wish I could say this pregnancy has been completely stress free but it hasn't. With my boys' pregnancies, I was a little worried about experiencing a loss, but it was never in the forefront of my mind for long periods of time. This time, the first 17 weeks leading up to seeing that healthy baby on the anatomy scan were excruciating. I was constantly paranoid about every twinge, cramp or muscle ache in my abdomen or lower back. I would hold my breath after going to the bathroom and say a quick prayer that everything would be okay. I was definitely not my normal self for those weeks. I took it one day at a time and talked through things with Davy and a close friend. I am so thankful for both of them and that I have (mostly) overcome those feelings.

Now for the fun stuff:
Baby is the size of a Bunch of Grapes!

How Far Along: 23 weeks

Total Weight Gain: 2 pounds

Sleep: I sleep through the night! Yay!

Stretch Marks: No new ones yet.

Best Moment This Week: Taking my boys to the circus. They loved it!

Movement: She is a wiggler in the evenings and mornings and I think she sleeps all day because I hardly ever feel her during the day. 

Food Cravings: This week I am craving Chinese food and chocolate. From weeks 12-18 I was obsessed with gummy worms, yum!

Gender: She is a GIRL!

Labor Signs: None.

Belly Button: Still an innie but it's working on bumping out!

What I Miss: I miss sleeping on my stomach :(

What I'm looking forward to: I am so looking forward to seeing Jackson and Remington being big brothers.

Jackson is so, so excited to have a baby sister. He bundles Remington's blanket up and pretends it's his baby sister. He walks around cradling her very gently and letting us all know that he has his baby sister and that he is taking good care of her. He even has Remington copying him. It's so cute to hear Remi say "A baby sisser!" as he cuddles his bundled up blanket. Jackson doesn't like our name choice for his baby sister. Every time I tell him he can call her Piper if he wants instead of just baby sister, he says he doesn't like that name and wants to name her "Salty" instead. Ummm, probably not, buddy! He is growing up so fast. He is getting taller and more mature every day. He can write and spell his name and says things that make me laugh all of the time. He is a fantastic helper with his little brother and is almost always selfless and so giving. I am lucky to have him as my son.

Remington will be 2 years old next month! Ahhh! Where has the time gone? His vocabulary and speech has exploded lately. He talks in full sentences now and it's so nice being able to communicate with him. He is also SO hilarious. He is beginning to say things that have Davy and I cracking up with laughter. I apparently say "Jackson Alvin David" a lot because Remington has started to copy me. If Jackson is annoying him or doing something wrong, he will growl/yell "JACKSON DAVID" It is the funniest thing to hear and Jackson and I laugh every time he says it. He is a little snuggle bug and loves to sit in my lap all day. He does like to get up and play quite a lot but he is also content just letting me hold him and snuggle him which I can't get enough of.

I think that is all of the updates for our family now, thanks for reading!

For anyone who doesn't understand the term "Rainbow Baby":

The Joys of Spring

It's March and Spring is tentatively here. I am really hoping for no more snow! My kids would have to agree. They love going outside to play and they especially love going to the park. We have been to the park twice in the last few weeks and they are loving all of the fun things to do outside. Last night, we went with some new and old friends to a park and played kickball. The boys and their little friends were more interested in the fun sand in the bases than the game itself. We all had fun and enjoyed the sun for the first time in months.

Remington has been growing up so much! He has been learning animal sounds this week and continues to amaze his big brother with all of the things he is learning. Jackson says all the time,
"Mom, Nemington is getting so smart! He's just growing up so fast!" He is climbing all over things and getting into cupboards, DVDs and all sorts of stuff he's not supposed to be getting into. He speaks to us in little sentences and is in the "copy-cat stage" where we have to watch what we say.  He is a happy little guy, even when he is teething and I am so grateful for him in our lives.

Jackson is also growing up so much. Four year olds are the best. Seriously. He rarely throws fits anymore and he really works at listening to us when we ask or tell him to do something. He is so inquisitive and intuitive. He says the funniest things and always has us laughing at his four year old wisdom and insight. He will be finished with this first year of preschool in May and then he will be playing T-ball this summer. I am excited to get outside with him this summer and teach him more about the world around us.

We have plans to go camping with friends this summer quite a lot and Davy is thrilled. I like camping, but it's not my favorite thing to do. I like running water, electricity, and flushing toilets too much to really love camping. However, I am really excited to take Jackson and Remington; they will love the fishing, getting dirty, and playing in the creeks and lakes.

Spring time always brings me out of whatever dark mood I might be in. The sun finally coming out from behind the clouds somehow makes me feel lighter and free. Davy and I are doing pretty well. We have had some prayers answered and received so many blessings this last year. We are so grateful for every day we have to spend together and with our little guys.

Happy Spring!

We Lost a Baby.

We lost a baby last October.

I had a positive pregnancy test on a Monday and on that Friday, I was miscarrying.

I told a few family members and friends of my m/c because I didn't want them to be hurt if I had to leave the room or if I came back into the room with swollen red eyes. I didn't want them to think I was rude if I abruptly changed the subject or became angry or started to sob in the middle of an everyday, normal conversation.

I cried myself to sleep for days. My husband prayed for me every night, while I wept beside him, that I might have comfort, that I might be healed, that I would just have some measure of peace so that I could get some sleep.

Every week I look at the calendar and realize that I would have been ___ weeks pregnant. I can't help it. I would have had my anatomy scan this week. I would have found out if we were adding another amazing baby boy to our family or if I was finally going to get the little girl I've always dreamed of.

Our baby was due June 19, 2014. Due to a repeat c-section and my Dr.'s surgery schedule, our baby would have been born June 13, 2014.  I am now dreading the month of June.

Why is my loss diminished or minimized by some people just because I already have two wonderful, healthy children? Why do certain people seem to think I have no right to mourn this baby? Why?

I am coming out. I am speaking out about miscarriage. I am breaking the taboo. And I hope that those of you who read this and have experienced this heartbreaking, mind numbing loss, feel like it's okay to share your story if you want to. Please don't let your fear of what others will think or wonder about you stop you from sharing your experience with other women who might be going through this.

The Upside
My husband has been very supportive and comforting to me. Even now, when I have a bad day, and I'm feeling bitter about the 13 (yes, thirteen!) pregnancy announcements I've seen in the last three weeks, he talks me through it and helps me see the bigger picture. He always keeps me grounded and I'm so grateful for him. While I am genuinely happy and excited for those of my friends and family who are expecting, I'm also heartbroken and still grieving and still getting through this.

On the Sunday night during my miscarriage, after I had tucked the boys into bed, I was sobbing, thinking about our baby, our baby who didn't even have a name yet. We didn't get to hear our baby's heart beat, and didn't get the chance to see our little "peanut" on the early ultrasound because we were still so early in the pregnancy when I began to miscarry. Some may think that our loss isn't that big, that because it was so early, we don't need to make such a big deal about it. They may say that it's silly to give a name to something that wasn't, by the world's standards, even considered a baby at that point. But, we know life begins at conception, and that was our baby and our baby needed a name. During our earlier discussions before the loss, when we were talking about baby names, the name I really liked for a girl was Peyton. My husband and I had a little disagreement about whether it was a boys' name or a girls' name and since we didn't know the gender of our little angel, the name we gave our child is Peyton. I pray for our child every night and think of him or her every day.

This experience has taught me a lot about myself and about how I have the ability to make it through really trying times. I take a moment each day to thank God for all of the things I take for granted. I thank him for my two wonderful children and for allowing me to have this experience so that I appreciate them more. Because I do. I really took for granted the fact that I have two beautiful sons, that they are my future and that they are what true joy means. Do I still miss the baby that I lost? Yes, so much it hurts. Do I miss what could have been? Absolutely. But because of this experience I can now look around and appreciate what is beautiful and joyful right in front of me.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Thank you for the love and comfort I know you are sending our way right now, we appreciate it. 

"Come what may, and love it." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Living Life

It's been a long time since I posted last. There are many reasons for that but I don't quite feel ready to talk about those particular things yet. So for now, I'm going to talk about the fun stuff we've been doing around our house for the past 2 months.

The boys are becoming the best of friends. They truly love each other and are pretty much inseparable. I love it! 

Jackson is in preschool and he loves it so much. He has made new friends and has 2 fantastic teachers that he adores. He is spelling words out that he sees. He can read any word by spelling it out and with some help from me, sounding it out. We have wonderful conversations with him about things he's thinking about and all of the fun stuff he imagines. Jackson also really loves being a Sunbeam at church. He loves his teacher and learning about Jesus. He is always encouraging us to say the blessing on our meals and he even says it himself sometimes. He is very protective and giving towards his little brother. If Remington falls down, he runs to get his blanket to comfort him. He also always shares his snacks, which may not be a big deal for us, but for Jackson, it's special. He helps out around the house as well. He loves to help me sweep the floors, do the laundry and make the beds. He is so optimistic and sweet, I hope that never changes! 

Remington has grown so much the past couple of months. He is now walking and running everywhere. He also does this little stomp, dance, walk thing that I really need to get on video sometime. If he hears upbeat music, he stops what he's doing and dances around the room. Within the last 3 weeks, his language skills have just exploded. He went from 10 words to about 30 and growing every day. He says "I love you" and is really good at copying what people say.

His favorite word, however, is "NO!" He also has a little attitude to go along with his favorite word. Here is a picture of his "NO" face:  

    Halloween was so much fun this year. Jackson picked out his costume and was so excited to wear it. Both boys were great while Trick or Treating although Jackson fell down twice because he was running from house to house. 

They love to snuggle together on the couch and watch movies together. Their current favorite is Tangled. 

I love this grumpy face. He apparently didn't want his pictures taken anymore. 

We have a rocking horse and a little ride on 4 wheeler. The boys love to "race" each other on them across the living room. 

We have been playing outside a lot this last week because of the nice sunny weather. Jackson and Remington love the leaf pile, making messes in the dirt, and climbing all over things in the backyard.

Remington is a little artist. He will play in the leaves and dirt and on the slide for a little while but his absolute favorite thing to do is to draw on the stairs and sidewalk with chalk. 

You don't often find Remington without his blanket. he calls it his "baby" and he LOVES it. I'm not sure what we would do without those blankets!

We are really enjoying that Davy is home and that we get to see him every day. I love that I get to stay home with the boys and be with them as they are learning and growing so much every minute. We are all really looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas and Jackson's birthday. Davy and I are especially looking forward to our trip to Salt Lake City to see the temple lights and have a weekend away from the boys. We love them dearly but it will be nice to have a small break to focus on us and sleep in a little bit. 

Thanks for reading about our family. I promise to update again soon!

Home.

We have really been enjoying our summer here in Idaho. We are loving being with our families and friends and our wonderful ward. Davy worked for two more months in North Dakota but he just came home for good this last Saturday. He had two job interviews on Monday but neither of them were going to work for our family. His old boss at Franklin offered him a raise and a job starting the next day so we took it and we are feeling very blessed to have so much opportunity.

The boys are growing up too fast. I know I say that a lot but it's the truth! Jackson learns so many new thing every day. He LOVES going to church and learning about Jesus and he even sings me the songs from Primary now. I can't even tell you how happy it makes me to know that he is learning all of these wonderful things and that he enjoys it. He is working on drawing his letters and counting higher up in numbers.  We are planning on keeping him home for this first year of preschool so I have some work ahead of me but it will be so fun and I know Jackson will teach me things as well.

Remington has really been walking everywhere lately. He also learns new words all the time. He loves to talk and walk around. He eats more than any kid I know. I swear this kid is always hungry. He has to have breakfast immediately upon waking up in the morning, a couple hours later he needs a nice big snack and it just keeps going all day until bed time. He is very loving and so funny. He giggles a lot and of course his giggles make us laugh as well. He is also a little climber, he has learned to climb up stairs and is learning to climb down them safely. The other day he climbed out of his high chair and onto the couch and from there to the floor. I was in the kitchen, thinking he was in his high chair eating lunch and I turned around and he was right behind me.

We are so blessed to all be together again as a family.

Until you're broken, you don't know what you're made of.
We have been feeling this way a lot lately. We are going through some things and despite our setbacks and bad things going on, we know we are so lucky and so blessed for so many reasons and we really are finding out what we are made of. We are strong and we will get through anything.

No Place Like Home

I never know what to tell people when they ask me what's going on in my life. Am I going back to North Dakota? If so, when? Where is Davy? When does he get to come home? Is he looking for jobs in Idaho? How's the job hunt going? How do you feel when he is gone? How do the boys do without their daddy?

The answers, unfortunately, are ever changing. They change day to day depending on how my day goes or how Davy's day went at work. They are having a company change over at the place Davy works for so raises, benefits, retirement, investments and all of that is being rearranged right now. Most of it is not good news for the employees. Davy is really missing Idaho and family so we are looking for work closer to (or in) Idaho. We have a few leads and he's sent his resume in to a few places so now we are waiting and watching for more opportunities.

I hope that he finds a job soon so that we don't have to go back to North Dakota and all of the trouble and hassle that comes with it. We liked North Dakota but it certainly wasn't home or a place that I would want to be forever. We met some great people and Jackson made some cute little friends that we will miss but there really is no place like home.

How do I feel when he is gone? I feel alone. I feel like a single parent even though I have plenty of help from family. I don't really make dinner because cooking for one is no fun. I make quick meals for the boys but I don't really eat well when Davy is not here (this could also have something to do with the heat we have been experiencing). Davy and I text throughout the day, usually just little "I love you" reminders, sometimes more details of how our days are going, etc. We both have accounts on Spotify and we share music with each other, songs that get us through our days, songs that remind us of the other person. It has really helped us to stay a little more connected. We talk on the phone every night and Skype each other once a week on Davy's day off. It's hard being hundreds of miles away from the one you love, there are good days and bad and we try to support each other through them, even with our limitations.

The boys do not like having their daddy gone. Jackson tells people that his dad is in North Dakota and it is always in such a melancholy tone. They truly thrive when he is home and when we are all with him as a family. We all get along better and are just all around happier when we're together. Remington's face lights up completely when he "talks" to Davy on the phone. When we Skype, he touches the screen and tries to grab his daddy's nose and lips. Jackson misses his daddy playing with him. Mommies just don't play the same way as daddies do.

Davy will be home in 10 days! We are planning Remington's 1st(!) Birthday party for the weekend when Davy will be home. I'm super excited, yet sad at the same time. My baby is learning very quickly how to walk. He goes further on his own every day and loves to prove how much he can do. He is also learning lots of new words and signs. He can say mama, dada, buh-buh, "I did it", dog, hi. He waves goodbye, blows kisses, and can sign "all done". He is so happy and sweet. He wakes up with a smile every day and stays that way most of the day. I couldn't ask for a happier little man.

Jackson is getting so grown up. He learns new things and can communicate very well with us. He is getting ready to go to preschool which is another happy yet sad moment for me. My toddler is now a preschooler and pretty soon he'll be a kindergartener and so on until he's no longer my "little" boy.  I was kissing his cheeks the other day and he tried to push me away so I snuggled him more and told him that even when he's 30 I'll still want to kiss him because he'll always be my little boy.  He is very in tune to how other's feel and is very empathetic of everyone. He loves to tell me what he is doing and show me what he is learning. I love playing and learning with him every day.

Idaho is definitely our happier place. We did fine in North Dakota but we really love the bonds with family and community that we have here in Idaho. I feel more connected to the world around me when I'm home and I feel so much happier. I can tell the boys and Davy feel the same way.

Anyway, thanks for reading about my feelings and how our family is doing. We missed you all and hope that you are having a wonderful summer!

 At our apartment in Tioga, ND. The boys loved playing on our balcony

We call this his "snooty" face

They snuck in to the snack cabinet

 Jackson "drilling for oil" in Williston, ND

Remington swimming in grandma's pool when we came back to Idaho

He wasn't too sure about it at that point

His very first sucker ...

Jackson was SO happy to be reunited with his best friend and cousin

 

 

 

More summer fun in Idaho

  Don't worry, Remington was only on for a second

He just really wanted to be one of the big boys

 



 

 



 Grandpa Joe's Birthday and the new fire pit

Love them.

The Black Hole That is North Dakota

I really wish I had some pictures to share with everyone, but we forgot the camera cord in Pocatello. I'll upload them as soon as we come back. We started out living in a tiny town called Tioga and it was pretty miserable. I was sick for the first 2 weeks, I could hardly breathe and had a fever ... no fun! We had no contact with anyone because we were on the third floor and I could barely make it up and down the stairs with my breathing problems. We talked to the housing person and last week we moved to Williston which is a larger city and much nicer for us all.

We have met a few neighbors and Jackson has made a couple of friends in our building. We are also part of an oilfield wife playgroup that meets once a week at a park in town. It's been nice getting to know people and letting the boys get outside and play around with new little friends.

We talk to our families on Skype once a week, make phone calls and texts, but we still miss them all SO much. I know we are not the only ones missing our families right now, but it's still so hard.

Jackson is the funniest kid ever. He makes Davy and I laugh all day with his personality. He now thinks he has to shut and lock the door when he goes to the bathroom. Yesterday, he told us he had to go potty but he was taking a long time so Davy went to the door and knocked and asked him if he was okay. Jackson opens the door, comes out and says "What do you want, huh?" He had this exasperated expression on his face, like we were such a bother to him. He is a character and is growing every day into a such a big kid. He is so smart and I'm so grateful that he's my sunshine.

Remington is also growing up TOO fast! He has went from belly crawling to normal crawling. He can sit himself up from laying down and with the help of something to hold onto, he stands himself up and walks around things. He also gets ahold of Jackson's little fold up chairs and scoots around behind them, walking all over the kitchen floor. He has two little teeth on the bottom of his mouth and he has started to babble a lot. Davy walked in the door from work on Friday night, Remington looked up and saw him and said "Dada!" We are so excited that he is learning and growing but at the same time that means he's not going to be a baby for much longer, and I'm going to miss the "babyness". He is so happy all of the time and really makes all of us so much happier just to be around him.

Davy and I are doing well. Davy hates North Dakota but it's slowly growing on me. There are no mountains here so Davy is missing his escape into the mountains for camping and other fun stuff. He works a lot of hours (75+ hours per week) so he deserves a little break and he can't get that while he is here, so we are counting down the days until we are back.

We will be in Pocatello at the beginning of July and will be spending our week there cleaning out our house and boxing everything up so that we can either rent it out or sell it. We are going to try to make it work here in Williston and come to visit Pocatello as often as we can. It will be nice when we no longer have a house payment and all of the expenses that come along with keeping a house running properly. We will also be able to pay off our debt that much faster so that we can come back to Pocatello that much sooner someday.

We love you all and miss you all. See you in a few weeks!